You saw some stinkers in Part 1 (http://wp.me/p4GEiZ-5M), but they were nothing on this list of disappointments.
Just to note, I really like Darren Aronofsky. The Wrestler is one of my favorite films of all time.
Noah is not.
It was brave to take on this biblical tale. The good casting of Lerman, Connelly, Crowe and Winstone was wasted by lots of other poor choices. Noah also had the glorious visuals you would expect from this blockbuster. However, my main gripe with Noah was that it was boring; not boring because it was badly made, it was just not interesting enough. The story plodded along at a pace that made me feel like it would never end. At well over two hours, it felt more like five. Whereas most films wouldn’t be worse off losing 1/3 of its run time, Noah wouldn’t be worse off without 2/3.
To top off the extended boredom, I was mystified by the inclusion of the rock Watchers. It must have been a conscious decision to leave the gravelly golems out of the trailer, and what a good decision that was. They were more ridiculous than any image can portray. A Razzie nomination has followed their idiocy.
4. Begin Again
Begin Again attempted to make money by having a known cast, lots of catchy music and not much else. I wrote about it back in July and I can hardly be any more complimentary now. (https://wilsonreviews.wordpress.com/2014/07/11/begin-again/)
The story is at times sickeningly cringey and none of the actors are very good. Ruffalo is a scruffy drunk (with a heart of gold) whilst Keira Knightly has the charisma of a fresh lettuce. Adam Levine was definately not hired for his acting prowess and James Corden is significantly under-utilised. The scenes with James Corden were the only ones that were genuinely entertaining.
Begin Again tried to tie several mini-stories together without filling any of them out enough to make you care. Yet, if you just want a numb, thoughtless experience, go for it.
Bad name, worse film. This is exactly the sort of picture we didn’t want Arnie to come back to. Whereas Last Stand was entertaining and Escape Plan paired Schwarzenegger with Sly, Sabotage was neither entertaining, nor did it have Sly. It did, however, have the likes of Sam Worthington and Joe Manganiello who brought nothing but mindless, meat-head thuggery to their roles. Even the leading female Mireille Enos, only included to hold back criticisms of sexism, acts in an similarly tedious manner.
The film as a whole is a slow, sluggish waste of time. The premise is pretty decent, but the story really lets the film down. Simply, its not worth 109 precious minutes of your time. I expected better from a David Ayer film.
2. The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies
The Hobbit: BoTFA is at #2 for several reasons. Firstly, its major issue is how much it disappointed me. I had bought tickets well in advance of its release and I now wish I hadn’t bothered.
It shouldn’t have been a 12A. The film lacked any sort of dirt or grit that should be present when FIVE armies are at loggerheads, and orc deaths were as PG as the Power Rangers. Furthermore, the story they chose was a bad choice. The battles were constantly erupting around the major characters but were seemingly sidelined to perpetuate monotonous or needless character arcs. I could go on. To see my full disappointment go to: http://wp.me/p4GEiZ-5j
Simply put, the spectacle of Hobbit: BoTFA does not hide the rest of the film’s major problems. Its CGI was poor, its story was stretched and its action was too PG-13. I didn’t like disliking this film but it made me.
1. Lucy (http://wp.me/s4GEiZ-lucy)
A poor man’s Limitless, which is saying something, Lucy is a ridiculous film. I think everyone will agree that Lucy is ridiculous, but my main problem with it is that it isn’t aware of its insanity. It is meant to be a fun action-flick but it takes its sci-fi story totally seriously. However, its storyline is dreadful.
Johansson accidentally has a drug pumped into her blood stream and becomes able to access more of her brain power. Coincidentally, Morgan Freeman happens to be giving a university lecture on the very subject of one’s mental potential at the same time. Johansson then happens to call Freeman asking his assistance and sheer lunacy ensues.
Not only does Besson allow Johansson’s new abilities to extrapolate into the realms of idiocy, the seriousness of the cast and the writing left me utterly bewildered. Despite lacking any hint of logic, Lucy ploughed on with a straight face. It wasn’t even as if the script was decent, highlighted most outlandishly as Johannson comments to her mother that she can still taste her breast milk in her mouth.
The story is bad, the writing is bad, the visuals are tacky and the acting is sub-par. Just having a kick-ass female lead was not enough. Having expected a decent film, and then to have received this bag of nonsense, was a sharp kick in the proverbial teeth.
So there you have it, Lucy sits atop the stinking heap of garbage that was 2014’s worst. Agree? Strongly Disagree? Let me know in the comments and by taking the poll below! Thanks for viewing!